I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
