Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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