I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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