wakey wakey hands off snakey
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize