So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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