i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
so much tequila, so little girl.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
