Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
