I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
time to smoke my breakfast
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
