yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize