How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
