You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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