There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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