you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Such a big mess for such a small penis
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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