We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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