she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
