Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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