Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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