make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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