the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
