im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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