Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
