We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
