you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
