I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
