I just saw a hot homeless man
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize