i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
