I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
