I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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