I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
