in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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