is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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