I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize