dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
