and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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