i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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