i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
