So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
