Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
