i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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