i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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