I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
