What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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