doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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