you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize