so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
