Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
