I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
