so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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