I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we made out on top of his cat.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
