The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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