I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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