Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
