Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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