i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
