I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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