if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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