I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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