like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
