i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
