i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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