Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
