mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
