So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Girls should come with a carfax report
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
