the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
