You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
