I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
