I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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