I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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