The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
