im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
