I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
