ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
