I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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